If you are planning on flying & blowing yourself up...

For those of you who have just totally had it & have come to believe that jihad & specifically blowing yourself to pieces & your fellow infidel travellers on an airplane is the only way to leave this word please take note of the following...just in case your cell leader has not informed you of current changes in airport security the US Government with the support of the US media have been kind enough to share the following info...

Do not fly from the countries on the list in this article http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100104/ap_on_bi_ge/us_airline_security They are on a special list for extra security. So please fly from Western Europe. The UK, Germany, & the Netherlands all seem to be pretty accommodating.

Do not carry the following articles http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/prohibited/permitted-prohibited-items.shtm Please remember...

No sharp objects! No knives, steak, Swiss army, Gerber etc..., box cutters, nail-clippers,etc..(the plane will provide you with plastic knives, forks, & spoons that with minimal training can be highly effective weapons)

No guns! Seriously...if you are this stupid please find another cause (http://www.acorn.org/ is hiring. Knowledge of prostitution & tax evasion are pluses...but not requirements...they provide training)

Keep liquid explosives in multiple 2oz tubes(as many as you can jam into a small Ziploc...DO NOT LABEL!!!)

Not sure if the terror watch list is available yet...but when it does this website will have & it's full of other helpful hints http://www.aclu.org/keep-america-safe-fre

Now...while the info above should come in handy... before you actually decide to go through with this you may want to take into consideration the following

• Is it really that bad that this is the only way to find any worth in yourself? Have you tried volunteering to help others to see if that gives you any satisfaction?
• Have you considered what this will do to your family...friends...fellow country-men/women, followers of your chosen faith...etc..?
• Are you that sure you will have 60+ virgins waiting for you? Are you confident you could handle them all? If they are virgins have you taken into account...they are virgins!...they may not know what they are doing! If they are in Paradise what if they are eternal virgins...the hymen keeps growing back & they never know what they are doing! The reality of trying to juggle dozens of women...have you ever juggled any?
• If you fail...do you really want to be the next "shoe-bomber", pantie-bomber"...end up the bra-bomber, diaper-bomber, depends-bomber?!? & end end at the bottom of a missile silo somewhere in America's heartland...talk about a living hell...!

If you are dead set to do this...can I at least suggest a trial run.? Do it by yourself, in a desolate abandoned area with no one (no animals either...check for strays) around...you know, just to make sure your chosen explosive delivery device works ...

Bang...Zoom...to the Moon!

I think I may just have to come with a solution to Gitmo that will make Conservatives, Liberals, our friends around the world, & even the "current inhabitants" of Gitmo happy ...we send them to the moon! Now this may sound like crazy talk...but it's not. In the lovely Marius Hills there is a lunar lava tube that is 260 feet deep(amazing views from rooftop terrace!) & 213 feet wide(cute & cozy minimalist space) http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/space/01/01/moon.lava.hole/index.html . Now if this is where we are planning to put our scientists to study the moon...it should be good enough for those at Camp Gitmo(3 meals a day, unlimited Tang, free shelter, freedom to practice religion, grav-free exercise, free healthcare, etc..). Now we can close Camp Gitmo to please the Liberals, appease the Europeans(always works out great...WWI, WW2, Bos-serb, etc) be acceptable to Conservatives, & the "inhabitants" of Gitmo should be satisfied with the opportunity to get closer to God/Allah. It's a win-win for all!